After my year of peaks and troughs in 2023, I started this year with a new approach: nothing planned, no race commitments, simply a determination to do more and to do it wisely. As we approach mid March, I think it’s going fairly well. I’ve consistently managed to do two strength sessions in the gym each week, and my running mileage is building up slowly and steadily. A minor ankle twist this week has been frustrating, but nothing worse than that. All in all, a fairly positive start to the year.
Is this what it has actually felt like while I’ve been running? Sometimes. I’ve done short runs that felt stronger than I expected, and long runs in beautiful landscapes that made my heart sing. Running without a race to train for has been liberating; I’ve pushed myself gently, without any time pressure whispering in the background, and my body has responded willingly. These early months of the year have felt like a space to breathe, to take stock and assess exactly what it is I want to get out of this year.
In years to come (that mythical period when my time might be my own again), I will be quite happy to avoid races entirely, to make my own adventures, both solo and with company. But right now, at this point in my life, managing time is more challenging. As both a parent and a carer, periods when I am not on call have to be negotiated, fitted in around other needs, arranged so that I can confidently change my focus. For a little while at least. Planning more than a few days ahead is full of variables and fraught with challenges, so I rarely lift my head above the parapet to look too far down the line. But an empty calendar is frightening too, all that time that can so easily slip away, unused and easily forgotten.
So a couple of weeks ago I forced myself to look ahead and make a commitment. I’ve found a race that works logistically, and which ticks all the boxes I wanted to tick this year: mountains, scrambling, a good distance (but not too far), and not too many entrants. An 18 mile/2000m of ascent sky race in the Lake District in July. It makes me happy just thinking about it.
The year ahead, so full of variables and unknowns, now has a fixed point, a moment of certainty to anchor the coming months. That fixed point then tracks backwards, creating more fixed points as I start to thinking about increasing mileage and fitting in some mountain runs. And so the year in front of me now has a structure. Admittedly it’s a loose structure – my horror of training plans certainly hasn’t lessened over the years – but one which gives me an outward focus when I need it, and a reason to keep pushing on.
There is no justifiable reason why ‘I have a race to train for’ should be any more compelling than ‘I need to run’ as an explanation for why I run. But when life throws endless demands at us, turning our own needs into demands sometimes makes prioritising them feel easier. I remain ambivalent about actually racing, but for the time being, if that’s what it takes to push me into committing to a route and a date then so be it. I have a fixed point now, guiding me forward and upward. St Sunday Mountain Race, here I come.
I Run Free 